


Tryna Get You Off My Mind

by 50_Shades_of_Hydra



Series: Save Me x I'm Fine [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, State Of Dreaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 21:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17312486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50_Shades_of_Hydra/pseuds/50_Shades_of_Hydra
Summary: Sequel to Thank You n Goodbye, for now. It was only him, alone. Reminiscing stage.





	Tryna Get You Off My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Listening to some songs (mostly about moving on from relationships stuff) and combined it to a fic. Sorry for my English and the inconsistency. Things interrupted in the middle.

 

 

Brock went out from the bar, swaying his body and hoping he can find his car. And there you are....

 

  
One could hope that he still can drive, despite how many shots he took. Luckily, he still have his sober to drive the car, just like before. This isn't his first time drive in drunken state.

 

  
It was when he hung out with Steve, Bucky and other friends at the club, wines and beers all over the table. Driving while being intoxicated is just a piece of cake for him, but this time, it's worse to the point that he might even drop down on the street pavement and lay there to sleep. In addition, it was dark and only streetlights illuminated the way.

 

 

He really wanted Bucky to stay with him.But, after the wedding event, he couldn't even made his mind straight when he drove to their (now his) favourite bar and drink until night. He just can't stand the closeness of the pairing. I don't even care if Bucky looked for him or not. At least he did bid him farewell.

 

 

The drive took about 20 minutes to his apartment. While driving, he still feel his tears brimming and ready to fall down. He thought to himself, if he hit something or someone, well, just run from it. Otherwise, being hit from various direction, he will be fine with it. He have nothing to fight for on this Earth. People would call it accident, he would call it unintentional suicide.

 

 

Fortunately, he arrived at his apartment, went upstairs and unlocked his door. He went in and averted his gaze around the living room.

 

 

He was in state of drunkenness with hatred jealousy, and without any second thought, he dashed to the nearest table top and knocked everything items down to the floor. The clattering and shattering sounds can be heard echoing the room.

 

 

Brock's chest felt heavy, so heavy with grieve, sorrow, regret; you name it. His eyes stung with tears streaming down his cheekbones. Too much to bear, he screamed on top of his lungs, if that could make it go away. Cos, why not? No one would care, except the neighbors but still, he didn't give a hell about it.

 

 

He thought to himself, that's what he get for putting Bucky on top. Falling for him too deep down when the reality is creeping behind Brock, ready to tap on his shoulder.

 

 

He dropped down his weight on the couch and slumped against it. Today was so much on him. He closed his eyes for a second. But somehow, the memory of the event came again, this time it was in clear and detail view from his seat at the piano. 

 

 

He opened his eyes abruptly, and stared at the ceiling. A flow of thoughts swam through his mind. How he could wish this feeling just be gone and never come back.

 

 

He snapped to his reality and sat upright. He stood up and went to the bathroom. He noticed his eyes were puffy from crying and washed his face. He decided that shower would be a better way to calm himself before sleep. The stench of alcohol sticked on him.

 

 

He took off his clothes and stepped in under the shower fountain. As the stream of water pouring down at him, his train of thoughts running:

 

 

_It went to the past, where Brock and Bucky had so much time together, enjoyed their closeness and friendship. Laughter and jokes echoing in his mind. The "accidental" touch still lingering on his finger that made contact on Bucky's skin._

Then, it stopped by to the another destination, where he nearly proposed Bucky before Steve intervened and got down on one knee. The thought of it raged him and made him retched at the same time. Bucky supposed to be his, but.... Well, there's nothing he can do about it.

 

 

Brock came back to reality. After he finished shower, he turned off the shower fountain and grabbed his towel to wipe himself and wrapped it around his waist. He went to his closet and took his night sweatpants only.

 

 

He climbed on his bed and uncover his blanket to tuck him for the night. As soon as his head landed on the pillow, he stared at the space of ceiling, trying to block the thoughts of Bucky, Steve and everything related to them.

 

The tears creeped its way to spill again, he didn't even noticed. But did he cared not, he was alone in the bedroom. At the center of the bed.

 

 

He closed his eyes and sighed. Too many things going on for one day and this happened. It's like investing feelings on a person gone wrong. The heartbreak, he was sure none of the human being on this very Earth would love to go through that. Except if you are a robot, then be his guest.

 

 

He turned his head to his left and stared into spaces again. This time, he was facing the glass sliding door to the balcony, just behind the white translucent curtain drapes.

 

 

And here we go again. The train of thoughts continued revving in his mind. Next stop, the future, possibilities and the "what-ifs". What would be if he did propose Bucky to be his? How both of them looked like at the front the aisle? What would it be if he confess his feeling earlier?

 

 

None of this will happened. No heartbreak, no drinking, no wailing himself to death, no pushing things down to the floor.

 

 

Another tears leaked down his eyes, soaking the surface of the pillow underneath him. He closed his eyes again, let himself fall asleep.

 

 

No matter how much Brock wished he could enjoys the sleep, the memories and images during the day's event still haunting him. His body shaking, his whimpers turned into wailing cries and he found himself tugged at the edge of the pillow, trying to self-comfort.

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

The alternate reality played in his sleep, showed the possibility and outcomes of the what-ifs. It was him and Bucky holding hands together, in the front of each other, faces leaning in to give themselves a soft, chaste kiss on their lips. Them. In a wedding groom suit. In front of the aisle. Priest give them blessings by unite them in one bond of love. Witnessed by families, friends, colleague, and Steve. Yes, Steve. _What does it feel when your beloved crush marries with someone else? With your close friend?_

 

After the unification, both of them turned around to see their families and guests clapping happily gleefully,.....except Steve.

 

 

The dream went on with happy moments and ending.

 

 

Part of him wished that he stayed in his sleep, not wanting to wake up.

 

 

The other part of him wished if he can just forget Bucky and Steve and go on with his merry way. Get over them. Don't ever contact them. Don't ever bump into them. Don't ever think of them ever again.

 

 

And so, he stayed that way till the next morning, wondered if he could look forward on tomorrow. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry for my English, grammar, tense and punctuation. 
> 
> Sorry not sorry. I love to see my favourite character in dire distress.


End file.
